Calm Your Nervous System

After years of stress, we need peace.

Healing comes in many forms, in many shapes, and in many styles.

However, one thing that is universal about healing is relaxation:

  • of the mind
  • of the muscles
  • of the autonomic nervous system.

Although toughness is required to face challenges, healing is not just a matter of striving, force, or pure willpower. We can’t only be a bull in a china shop and ram healing down our own throat.

In fact, too much force and exertion can impede health: by depleting our energy reserves, and making us rigid — resistant to new concepts that might be helpful.

Instead, we find that acceptance, release, going with the stream rather than against it, harmony — these are the energies of healing and longevity.

Pain and trauma can cause the body and mind to retreat into a survival mode where it feels necessary to resist an unsafe world. This is completely normal and entirely reasonable.

On the other hand, the more we close off to the world and to ourselves, the further we retreat from finding true restoration and healing.

But there’s good news: We can trust the body to heal us.

When we let the body do what it knows to do — rather than what the distracting mind craves — we see that the body possesses remarkable power to self-correct and heal from even the most difficult experiences.


An Overstimulated Nervous System

Chronic stress — of any sort — informs the nervous system that you’re not safe.

Stress means the body is lacking what it needs: nutrients, hydration, sleep, detoxification, or energy. Even deficient emotional support qualifies as stress.

Anytime you’re unsafe, undernourished, or underslept, or unsupported your stress hormones rise.

What science has known for some time, but is only now becoming extremely clear, is just how draining it can be when stress hormones are always high.

After all, stress hormones are only supposed to rise for a short time — long enough for you to run away from a threat. The stressor passes, and you return to normal almost immediately.

But when stress hormones remain elevated, they burn through nutritional and energetic stores rapidly, depleting you of your vital energy.

A Chronic Fight-or-Flight Response Means…

When stuck in a stressful state for long periods, your body becomes adapted to “living on” stress hormones.

In fact, gut health and the metabolism shift — at first to increase uptake of glucose for energy — but then, to struggle to burn glucose, and instead running on fat.

As gut health worsens, the body loses its ability to absorb nutrition and energy from food — depleting energy reserves further.

Over time, digestive issues and nutritional imbalances keep the body in a state of depletion — one that needs addressing to correct.

In this state, even the tiniest of triggers can start a massive stress response.  

  • A miscommunication
  • A wrong turn
  • Other drivers
  • Running late
  • Criticism from a boss or partner

A hallmark sign of an overstressed nervous system is the inability to calm the body, be still, and relax.

It’s often accompanied by a paradoxical fatigue: we’re at once too exhausted, yet too wired to rest.

Chronic Stress Hormones are Caused By…

Stress hormones serve a purpose in the body — namely, to provide energy by raising blood sugar.

And energy is needed to fend off an acute threat.

At first glance, modern life may appear more comfortable than running from predators in the wild, but this may not be entirely accurate.

Modern life is busy — filled with conversations, deadlines, projects, schoolwork. We have authority figures — teachers, bosses — with high expectations. Traffic can be a soul-sucking nightmare. Distractions abound in the wireless, infotainment age.

Health factors determine how well we respond to our daily stressors.

Any of these can undermine our ability to withstand stress and contribute to chronic stress response:

  • Undereating
  • Toxicity in the environment
  • Toxicity from the gut microbiome
  • Nutrient deficiency
  • Poor sleep
  • Ongoing stress — at home, work, or elsewhere

Why We Should Consider These Health Factors

  • gut health
  • diet
  • sleep
  • air quality

These health factors only matter because they are intimately connected to the health of the nervous system.

They could be the difference between swift improvement — or a roadblock.

Improving these factors allows us to more deeply heal our nervous system, more fully and more rapidly.


How the Brain Heals

Healing from an overdriven stress response can take time.

Healing the stress response can involve:

  • The reduction of environmental toxins
  • Restoring nutritional stores
  • Improving the body’s microbiome
  • Create a high-energy state in the body
  • Slowly detox
  • Retraining the brain and nervous system for calmness
  • Restorative sleep

In fact, these don’t happen in isolation, either. As one area improves, it positively impacts all other areas of health.


Like most worthwhile health habits, all of these endeavors can take some time for benefits to appear.

Toxin reduction, nutrient restoration, improving gut microbiome — these certainly don’t happen overnight.

However, a positive feedback loop can occur — as multiple systems “come back online” — and when this happens, it represents a profound path to deep healing.

It isn’t a single diet or supplement that fixes us. It’s the combined awareness of multiple approaches that work synergistically to restore life and vitality to the body and mind.

For most, finding one supplement that really makes a difference — often produces results which are short-lived. What do we do next, after temporary result fail?

Thus, the big picture of health matters.

The Importance of Safety

As the body’s energetic functions return, we find more momentum to tackle our nervous system health.

The brain is a remarkable organ, capable of survival through the most difficult of challenges. In fact, many of the uncomfortable habits it forms are a survival response to immense stressors. It’s incredible what the brain can do to survive — and our adaptive behaviors are worthy of respect and dignity.

On the other hand, retraining the brain involves rewiring our neurons through repeated exposure to messages and stimuli that reflect safety. Your brain is safe now.  Finally, you are safe.

You will be safe and you are becoming safe.

(You’re safe)

The brain can learn safety through:

  • words (self-talk)
  • gentle movement
  • fixing nutritional deficiencies caused by poor digestion or restricted dieting
  • restoring the circadian rhythm
  • inhabiting the body, rather than pushing it away
  • understanding events rather than reacting to them

For instance, a clean living space can work wonders for the brain — even in an imperfect situation.

An environment that is noticeably improving can also represent a step toward safety. We need to feel that we have enough control to improve our world, even in small ways.

Come Back To The Body

Our awareness can return to the body, again.  

This may be difficult if the body represent pain or discomfort to us — but it needs to happen for recovery.

Perhaps we’ve come to resent or despise our struggling body.  Perhaps we feel like the body betrayed us — by getting sick.

In deep or prolonged stress, it’s common to mentally leave our frazzled body.  We dissociate from the suffering, to survive.

Sometimes, we feel guilty. That we betrayed our body — by not caring for it. Guilt often follows.

These thoughts are understandable, certainly. They’re logical, even. However, is this the whole story? Are these thoughts actually accurate? Finally — are they helpful?

The Whole Story

Our body did not betray us — and we did not betray it.

In fact, bodies are wise healers, always — inherently knowing what’s best for us. In kind, we were always doing the best we could muster, given our challenges and knowledge.

If we could have done better, we would have.

There is nothing and nobody to blame, only learning about what we need going forward.


Gentle Movement

Walking, qi gong, yin yoga, and gentle swimming are delightful, restorative movements.  

Movement is critical to move lymph for detoxification. However, movement also calms the brain, bringing the mind back into the body — the entire body.

It’s wonderful to be aware of gentle movements, but it’s important not to push too hard to be mindful.  Nothing magical will happen through forcing mindfulness to happen.

Mindfulness is, certainly, a miracle — but it’s not experienced concretely and it isn’t a goal to attain.

Letting go of control is the faster path to mindfulness, for mindfulness simply means having awareness. Benefits certainly come from awareness, but not if we latch on to the benefits.

This means it’s okay to let your mind wander and even zone out. The brain needs “no expectations.”

The brain needs complete freedom.

Many who study mindfulness practice observe that it can be difficult to not push yourself.  

The ability to be mindful, though beautiful, may be a daunting task if bodily and mental energy are low. It’s preferable to calm the mind rather than “trying” to focus your thoughts when you don’t quite have the energy.

Don’t judge your brain or worry about its ‘skills’ — right now, or ever.

Repetitive Motions

One lovely aspect of tai chi and qi gong — and other movements like walking, swimming, gardening, and biking — is that the movements are quite repetitive.

Repetition is, in fact, how the brain learns.  When a child says “Read it again!” after an adult reads them a book, repetition is how they learn their languages and the stories.

Thus, the body needs repetitions — again and again and again — safe, healing movements that reaffirm: “I am safe.” Or, perhaps: “I am on the right path to healing.”  

A Little More Calm

by Mimi Kuo-Deemer



There are two primary components to restorative breathing.

  • Breathing first with the belly — rather than leading with the chest.
  • Exhaling slowly and completely.

Breathe With The Belly

The chest has only a subtle role in proper breathing.

However, in our modern world, we don’t want our stomach to stick out! This, unfortunately works against our health.

Our breathing, when we are healthy and relaxed, happens in the gut. Everything is relaxed, from gut to head, and the belly rises and falls gently.

Ujayyi Breathing — Slowly & Completely Exhale

We need to expell the air completely from our lungs.

Not every single breath, though. Not all the time. But several times a day — the lungs need to fully exhale.

The best way I’ve found is the breathing practice taught in yoga classes: Ujayyi breathing — also known as: “the ocean breath” for the sound you make as you breath.

Using this breathing practice to exhale completely, while making your “in” and “out” breaths similar in length can be incredible for your body and mind. You do not need to do this for very long — even just a few minutes — or that often (just a few times a day).

It Only Takes A Little

Even a single minute of breathing can impact your nervous system.  

And if one minute helps so much, imagine how the regular practice of calm breathing can help your brain.

You don’t really need to breathe all that deeply. Just breathe regularly, evenly, slowly, and with the Ujayyi “ocean sound” as you take in a expel air.



Once you’re able to breathe deeply in regular intervals, if you remain still — you’re meditating.

Meditation, at its most basic form, is:

regular breathing + being still

What About My Thoughts?

If you’re wondering what to do with your thoughts while meditating (being still and breathing), there are dozens of different approaches!

But the simplest & best concept is: just be aware of your thoughts (without fighting them off).

Whatever comes up in the mind, notice the thought is there and let go of it, Then return back to noticing the breath.  When another thought comes up, observe how you notice it and let it go.

You’ll probably find that you’ve been thinking about something for 5 minutes before you even realized it!  That’s very much okay.

The only goal is to be still, breathe with regular ins & outs, and watch your thoughts.

Healing is available when we become still, breathe, and develop awareness of our breath, thoughts, bodily sensations, and sounds around us.

Add Something to Concentrate On

If you like, you can concentrate on an object, person, or idea — rather than simply observing.

Loved ones, ideas like faith/love/forgiveness, or God.

Keep in mind that active concentration may be difficult for a healing brain.  Using your concentration is only helpful if you want to do it, and find it helpful.


You can also pray while you are still and breathing.  

Expressing thoughts, feelings, and yearnings is immensely healing.  Prayer can also be quiet, listening. This can be very cleansing and unifying to the mind, and teach it to become more still.

Often, it’s the thoughts we harbor — left unsaid — that keep us trapped in endless motion, unable to calm down, and ultimately unable to find health.

In prayer, we can share these unspoken thoughts, fears and feelings — and find on the other end acceptance, love and release.


Music & Singing

Music itself is a lovely healer of the nervous system.

Many frequencies of audible noise have been to shown to directly affect brain waves.  


The sweet and repetitive cadence of words and melodies is similar to gentle repetitive movements.  

All biology depends on rhythm. Heart beats are in a rhythm. Sleep is a rhythm. Metabolism is a rhythm.  Digestion is a rhythm. Brain waves are rhythms.

Lose Yourself

If mindfulness is about coming into the moment, music and singing can be about losing yourself in the moment.

While it’s true that there is something about you that is unique — we are all a part of something greater than ourselves, something that ties us together, something we can get lost in, and belong to. 

Of course, the restorative power of music can be enjoyed by yourself or in a group. We can make it at home, or listen to it anywhere.

Music can become a soundtrack of your health & longevity — an escape from difficulty, and a return to peace and authenticity.


Healing, Restorative Relationships

Smiling, Laughing, Speaking the Truth

Take stock of your relationships in your life.  

Do you smile and laugh daily, and are you encouraged by your friends and loved ones to tell “your truth?”

To speak your truth to others means to:

  • share your feelings
  • express what bothers you
  • discuss dreams for the future
  • ask for what you need

…all without fear of retaliation.

A supportive, healing relationship values and wants to hear your side of the story.

Being able to tell the whole truth about yourself is a main benefit of a restorative relationship.

In a loving relationship, you are not judged, mocked, or dismissed.

In A Poor Relationship?

If your relationships are poor, it doesn’t mean you need to end a partnership immediately.

But it’s essential to see clearly just how good or bad a relationship is — so you can either 1) appreciate a good one, or 2) begin work to change a bad one.

Healing Starts With Me

Change in a relationship always starts with you.

Wherever you go from here, you are in the driver’s seat. Maybe it doesn’t feel that way? Here’s how you drive the ship:

Stay & Fix the Relationship

  • First, we recognize our own small/large role in driving the other away
  • We change how we ask for what we want


If a relationship is worth saving, change always begins with us taking the lead and apologizing for our mistakes, asking for forgiveness, committing to being better — along with expressions of admiration, respect, and love for the other.


By definition, if a relationship is worth saving, your partner will respond to your kindness, authenticity, and love (if that’s actually what you communicate).

End the Relationship

  • We leave the relationship


If a relationship is not worth saving, change always begins with us taking the lead and ending things.


By definition, if a relationship is not worth saving, your partner will not respond to your kindness, authenticity, and love.

Whether you stay and restore a relationshop — or leave it — depends largely on the quality of your partner:

  • Do they want to stay?
  • Do they love you unconditionally?
  • Do they want to grow?
  • Do they simply need to hear kindness, love, and apology from you — at which point they will respond in kind?

If the answer to the above is yes — the relationship is worth saving.

If they dismiss your requests for improvement, this is evidence of a toxic relationship that is usually unfixable without major counseling intervention. People never grow and change unless they want to.

It’s essential you don’t steamroll people into changing. Guilt, shame, or aggressive tactics will surely cause them to reflexively push back and counter attack. You can easily make a relationship much worse — and cement its future in the negative — even as you try to improve it.

If you wish to try and change your relationships, you must ask for what you need and give ample opportunity for them to fail as they learn — by being supportive and forgiving.


Beware manipulation: An unloving partner can fool you by saying all the right things — only for their actions to fail you later.

If you suspect your partner is manipulating you, they probably are. Relationships with manipulators rarely, if ever, change for the better without serious counseling and a major change of heart on their part. The suffering inflicted by a manipulator can reduce you to a shell of your true self.


Sometimes a partner means well but has sufferend incredible relationship trauma of their own, resulting in unconscious bad habits.

You must decide if it’s worth staying with them for the long-haul as they recover from their trauma and unlearn their reactive habits. Perhaps you need to have your needs met by someone who can understand you deeply — or perhaps you’re the partner they need to help them see a better, more loving way.

The Half-Smile

Smiling heals the brain.  

Thich Nhat Hanh speaks about keeping a “half-smile” on your face as you go about your day.  The half-smile is empowering because it takes almost zero energy to curl up the corners of your mouth — yet releases calm into the entire body.

Whether alone or entering a room, a half-smile can change the energy in your brain, shifting it away from stress and tension — and toward healing and restoration.  


Laughter is a no-brainer! Just laugh.

Are you a person who laughs easily?  It doesn’t have to be loud laughter. Even a silent giggle is great for your health.

Any type of laughter stimulates diaphragmatic breathing, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, and triggers the “tend-and-befriend” response linked to healthy tone in your vagus nerve. Just ten minutes of laughter is sufficient to trigger mental and physical health benefits.

When we look people in the eye, we can be ready to laugh when they give you something — anything — to laugh about.  Your brain will thank you — and they might, too.

Laughter is not a sign of extroversion or introversion — it’s the sign of a healing spirit.

Making people feel good is a healing practice, as well, and there are few better ways to do so than being a willing laugher.

Brain fog can make attentive listening difficult to achieve. A little half-smile can help provide you a calm, resting space –even if you’re not able to catch all the words being spoken.

Telling The Truth

Telling your truth to someone else is often hard.

Why is that?

Most often, we don’t know what’s going on in our hearts — and even when we do, we might not have the words to express it.

Too, there can be so many rules about social interaction that prevent us from saying the truth.  

Fear of rejection — and experiencing more suffering — makes it easier to not say what we really think.

But it’s critical for health and longevity to say what you think, to be authentic and accurately respresent yourself to others. After all, how can loved ones can see, know and love the real you — if you don’t show them?

Here are some ways to speak your truth to those who matter:

  • Say “no” when you don’t have the energy or desire for something.
  • If you’re worried about something, pipe up.
  • Voice your preference for a restaurant you’d like to eat at.
  • Say “thank you” after a compliment, rather than deflecting and dimishing yourself.
  • Sandwich criticisms with extra compliments such as: (“You’ve been doing reall well lately! On the other hand…”)

You’ll might need practice to voice your thoughts, but you’ll get better with repetitions. Always seek to clarify when words didn’t come out right to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.

In relationships, sometimes we don’t know our thoughts and feelings yet, and it’s good to share that.  

When it’s true, it’s healthy and freeing to say “I don’t know, yet.”

Here’s an example:

YOU: “Hey babe, can I tell you something?   I’m… just… upset.”

THEM: “OK. Why?”

YOU: “I’m actually not sure.  I don’t know. I’ve been upset for a couple hours.”

THEM: “Is everything okay? What’s the matter?”

YOU: “I’m not sure, but I’m going to go rest and think. Will you listen later after I figure out what’s bothering me?”

THEM: “Of course, babe. Let me know if I can do anything for you in the meantime.”

Being direct is not easy at first — it goes against our social concepts of avoiding conflict or being vulnerable.   It takes a lot of practice to learn to speak truthfully and authentically — especially if our childhood did not encourage such talk.

Most of all, it requires two people who are interested in honest, truthful conversations that are continuous and ongoing.

Ultimately, telling the truth is also empowering when you’re around uncomfortable or combative people.  

If someone is treating you badly, you don’t have to insult them, prove them wrong, or “show them” how you really feel.  A simple: “I don’t want to be treated this way” will facilitate growth and resolution, even if that growth and resolution only happens for you.  Here’s an example:

You: “I don’t want to be spoken to this way.”

Them: “Really, how?  How exactly don’t you want to be treated?”

You: “This way.  I just don’t like this.”

Them:  “Well, i don’t like how you did this, and this, and that.”

You:  “Well for that, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have done that.” (-OR-) “I wish it didn’t come across that way, and I’m sorry it offended you.  I still don’t want to be treated this way.”

By apologizing proactively for any wrongdoing you’ve done, you taken away their weapon — and aligned yourself with them.  

If they bring up more things you’ve done, own that too, if necessary — but you can stay true: “I don’t want to be treated *this* way, now.”  

If untrue accusations are brought against you, include that in how you don’t want to be treated: “You are now saying things that aren’t true, and I don’t like that either.”

This is not guaranteed to win over your “enemy” but it will ensure profound benefits for your sanity, your heart, your brain, and your healing body.

Few things are worse for healing than stewing for hours or days about someone else’s actions.

So handle it — directly and honestly — and be done with it.

Finally, when dealing with disagreeable people, don’t leave out the possibility for forgiveness. It’s among the most healing energies there is.

Powerful Phrases for Relationships & Interactions

Include these phrases in your daily arsenal, if they resonate with you.

“I don’t like this.”  

  • There’s magic here: You aren’t telling someone to stop, or giving orders. Just voicing your wishes.

“No. I can’t.”

  • Telling people you can’t do what they want can be scary — but it’s freeing.

“I need/want ___________”

  • Voicing your needs, respectfully, is always a healthy idea — at least with those who care about you.

“I don’t know.”

  • If you don’t know — don’t pretend you do.

“I’m don’t know yet, but I’d like to figure it out.”

  • People need to know that you’re not okay now, but that you will be.

(Unless you won’t.  If their behavior has crossed a line, you need to let them know that — or end the relationship).

“I’m sorry.”

  • Simply the most powerful words you can utter, anytime you’ve hurt someone — even accidentally.

“I forgive you.”  

  • Simply the most powerful words you can utter, anytime you’ve been hurt by someone. It’s important that people actually apologize — sincerely, and with words — to unlock forgiveness.

(Sometimes we must forgive people as we love them from afar — because they are not capable of meeting our needs).

“I care about you.”

  • Truly validating, restorative words, creating instant reconnection.

When we practice telling the truth, our bonds deepen, and we can begin to find the support we need.

When we are ourselves supported, are better able to nurture and support others. They can then support us more, and the “virtuous cycle” continues.  

Telling the Truth

What is possible?

Our children can grow up with the skillset and strength to stand up for themselves, to ask for what they need, and say no. Our partners can live empowered lives. Our resentments for each other can heal, and our eyes can light up when we see each other.

Sharing Details of Illness

Unfortunately, most everyday people will not understand your biggest challenges.  

When around these people, remember to say true things, but don’t reveal too much. Give yourself permission to keep things oversimplified.

For example, if someone asks how you’re feeling, and you aren’t feeling well:

Them: “Hey!  How are you?”

You: “Hi!  Oh, I’m not feeling too great.  How are you?”

Them:  “Oh, what’s wrong?”

You:  “I’m just dealing with some stuff — but I’m making progress.”

They are then free to ask more, but your “positive note” at the end gives them the opportunity to keep the conversation shorter — and that’s a good thing if we’re trying to avoid unneeded rejection and stress.

Protect yourself from the judgment, rejection, arguments, or unwanted advice of someone who won’t “get it” anyway.


Looking for Validation?

Telling your truth doesn’t mean, necessarily, looking for validation from those who will not provide it.  

Looking for validation in the wrong places is destructive to health at every age. It is not recommended.

Even with your doctor:  If a doctor doesn’t resonate with what you’re saying, you won’t be able to convince them of your point of view about the causes of your illness. It’s usually best not to trye.

It’s best to deal with “people in authority positions” (such as a doctor) by asking questions about what THEY think.

When you get an answer you don’t like, don’t be surprised. Most people aren’t going to agree with you on everything. Don’t be shocked, or let it ruin your moment — or your ability to get what you need from a provider.

Careful Words Can Reduce Stress

However, by speaking true (though often-restrained) words you will save yourself years of grief and stress — and that will directly lower your fight-or-flight stress response.  

You can enter any situation knowing exactly how you will need to act: Just as you always do, saying true words.

Kindness Is Always an Option

If people don’t like your respectful truth — that’s ultimately their problem.

There’s not much more you can do besides telling the truth and being kind about it.

Even if your truth will be difficult to hear, kindness is always an option.

Apologizing for how your truth makes someone feel — without apologizing for having the emotions or needing to share them — can help ease tensions.

Easing our daily tensions help your brain continue to heal.


Other Factors

Sleeping deeply and early bedtimes are essential to the health of the brain.  


Massage is deeply relaxing (although it can stir up dead cell waste and other stored toxins — drink water).  

Other forms of deep relaxation include:

  • acupuncture
  • meditative music (432hz)
  • float tanks
  • sauna
  • Reiki

The vagus nerve is an important nerve that connects the heart, lungs, digestive tract to the brain.

A healthy, active vagus nerve means your stress levels are low, metabolism is running stress-free (good for energy production), digestion is optimized, hormones are balanced, and immunity is high.

The vagus nerve is a major component of the autonomic nervous system, has an important role in the regulation of metabolic homeostasis, and plays a key role in the neuroendocrine-immune axis….

The relationship between depression, inflammation, metabolic syndrome, and heart disease might be mediated by the vagus nerve. Vagal nerve stimulation (VNS) deserves further study for its potentially favorable effects on cardiovascular, cerebrovascular, metabolic, and other physiological biomarkers associated with depression morbidity and mortality.

According to Dr. Arielle Schwartz, the vagus nerve represents an opportunity to invite healing:

“By developing an understanding of the workings of your vagus nerve, you may find it possible to work with your nervous system rather than feel trapped when it works against you.”

Dr. Arielle Schwartz, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Schwartz lists several steps that can improve vagal tone:
  • Hummingthe vagus nerve passes through the inner ear. Hum any tune, or choose ‘OM.’
  • Conscious BreathingA rapid way to influence the nervous system.
  • Valsalva Maneuver Exhaling against a closed airway.
  • Cold exposure — Ice cubes in a ziploc bag against the face.
  • Connection “Healthy relationships… regulate the body and mind.”

Dr. Schwartz also mentions the technique known as: hugging until relaxed: Simply stand on the floor, and hug your partner until your nervous system calms down.

Listening to Mozart’s music… has been shown to increase parasympathetic tone and decrease seizures.

It’s important to mention that nearly every single step listed in this article positively affects the vagus nerve.

The vagal nerve, as a proponent of the parasympathetic nervous system, is the prime candidate in explaining the effects of contemplative practices on health, mental health and cognition.

You can do this.

I believe in you.

You can be
will be


This completes Calm.
To continue, select Detoxify.

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